On wedding etiquette

Warning! This post is largely a complaint and will most likely sound rather self-righteous. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings; this is all in fun.

Now, I'm all about being unconventional (just ask me about some of our wedding plans), but I also believe that etiquette simply must be followed on certain items. Unconventional or modern or simple or running out of time and being stressed is not an acceptable excuse for being rude.

Many a friend in the last several years have invited me to join Facebook groups called "[bride] and [groom] are gettin hitched." These groups inevitably have some kind of explanation that reads "We're getting married. If you want an invitation post your address below." I have never liked this. I think it's tacky. When Blake and I got engaged I made it very clear we would not be creating such a group. Luckily, he agreed with me (or at least is smart enough not to question me on it because I might bite his head off :)). I think it's impersonal and rude. I don't feel that these people really want me there; they'll only send me an invitation if I want one. I don't think they would go to the trouble of finding my address if I don't post it. What's worse is that I have joined at least one of these groups, given my address, and then not received an invitation. LAME!

I was reading through the invitations section in a Martha Stewart Weddings book (on loan from my future sister-in-law, thank you Alanna) and read the following from the president of a wedding invitations company: "The key is to make your guests feel that you really want them there, not that you were obligated to invite them." Yes! Thank you for validating my feelings on the subject, Marc Friedland. I couldn't agree with you more.


I continued reading about Thank You notes. Blake and I had already discussed getting some printed and come up with a system for writing them. Martha says, "There is one custom no one has to debate: Every gift must be acknowledged with a personal, handwritten thank-you note." I agree. Then it occurred to me: I have been to several weddings and bridal showers in the last few years to which I brought gifts and never received a thank-you note! I think my family has been pretty good about it but not all of my friends. And now I'm bugged. I know I'll sound like my grandmother here, but this younger generation has lost it's sense of propriety (imagine me saying this while wearing a q-tip wig and shaking a wrinkly, crooked finger).

I may change my tune a little when I'm trying to adjust to a new home and lifestyle and the thought of starting in on a mountain of thank-you notes brings me to tears, but for now I plan on writing them. I want to be a considerate bride. Oh, and that reminds me, I'm working on a guest list for my wedding, so if you want an invitation, please post your address in the comments.

On becoming a graduate school drop-out

Ok, not really. I know many of my loyal blog readers are already updated on the situation, but I figured it will be good for me to put this all out into the universe. After getting engaged and beginning to plan the wedding and starting into my classes for real and seeing the stress Blake was under with his projects and the enormous task of selling his place, updating his portfolio, finding a new job, and moving in less than 3 months, I realized that something had to give. This situation was much bigger than me. As I looked at it realistically I saw that we were really expecting too much of ourselves. After a lot of tears and very serious discussion we decided that I should become a graduate school drop-out.

The truth is that I'm not really dropping out. My program in California is allowing me to take a leave of absence. I can take a few classes from the MFT program at BYU starting in January that will transfer when I go back. This gives us a much more realistic time frame to work with. So, for now, I'm back in Utah, living with my mom, flat broke, and looking for a job. Maybe this should be it's own post, but looking for a job is so depressing. Blah!

I don't want to sound too negative about it. I really am happy to be back here and feel that it was the best thing to do for our relationship. I can also aleviate a lot of stress I would have been putting on others by doing the planning for the wedding myself. It's good. I guess I only really have two complaints. 1) The job hunt. 2) The winter. It's already too cold for me. It makes me want to cry. I hate the cold. It's a good thing I've got a Blake around to put my cold feet on. ;)

On getting engaged

Let me start out this post by saying that one of the things I love about Blake is how energetic he is and how excited he gets. After he paid for my ring and after he called to schedule a sealing room at the temple I got very excited phone calls from him. "Becca! Guess what I just did!?" It's very endearing.

We had looked at rings together because Blake wanted to get an idea of what I like before he bought one (totally understandable). The ring was being made by a friend of a friend, and Blake told me it wouldn't be done for two weeks (I think it really took about 4 days). He was so disappointed that he wouldn't have it before he came down to visit me. A friend of mine said that he was going to try to surprise me with it when he came down because he made a point of telling me when the ring would be done. I dismissed her idea because I didn't think he'd be able to keep a secret like that; I thought he'd be too excited. Well, I was half right. He couldn't keep it a secret from anyone except me! My mom knew and his parents knew and they had all seen the ring. Blake's brothers both knew and so did his roommate. I was clueless.


Last weekend Blake came to California to visit me. I was SO excited to see him. We spent a day at Disneyland. Apparently he had the ring in his pocket all day long; he asked me later if I had noticed him checking periodically to make sure it was still there. I hadn't. When the day was just about done--it was 11:30--Blake and I went over to the Snow White wishing well to keep up with his tradition of visiting it every time he comes to Disneyland. We threw in some coins and a couple showed up and started taking pictures. Blake offered to take their picture to try to shew them away. They offered to take our picture in return. Notice Blake's face in the picture. He's kind of anxious for them to go away. It's cute. Those people went away and another group came through. I was kind of wondering why Blake was waiting for us to be alone before throwing in his coins.

We were at the well tossing in our coins. I started to suspect something when Blake looked over his shoulder nervously before throwing in the last coin. He made his wish, and I grabbed his hand and started to walk away. He said, "Wait. I have one more wish" and started fishing in his pocket and got down on one knee. I don't think I said anything, just made some noises: "Oh. Oh!" He was so nervous he almost put the ring on the wrong hand. He asked me if I would marry him. I guess I said yes; I don't really remember. But I do remember that he stood up and we hugged and kissed and laughed and it was great!

I'm happy. It's still pretty surreal though. Every once in a while I'll have a little reality check and think "Wow! I'm engaged. I'm getting married. This is for real. Unreal!" Blake is perfect for me. I'm so happy I know him. :D