Once upon a time I was having a conversation with a guy I was dating (not Blake, several years before). The details are a little fuzzy, as memories tend to be, so this is my best shot at re-creating it.
------
For some reason we were talking about being gay or having gay friends or something like that.
Him: Well, yeah, you should be nice to them, but I wouldn't let them come over to my house.
Me: Are you serious?
Him: Yeah, well, I wouldn't want them to be a bad influence on my kids.
Me: Um, okay. It's not like your kids are going to get "infected" with "gayness." What if your kid is gay?
Him: I don't know. I don't think that's going to happen. I guess my kid could come to the house but not his/her partner. I wouldn't want to bring in a bad influence on the other kids.
Me: So what, your kid is going to pull aside the siblings and "teach" them to be gay or something? I just don't agree. I think it's important to model for your kids kindness and openness and loving others who aren't like you or who have different beliefs. To me, that's at the heart of being a Christian.
(Trying to come up with the most extreme example I can think of, one that is so out-there any sane person would find it ridiculous . . .)
Me: So, if you start with not letting certain people into your house, where does it end? Are you not going to let your kids play with kids who aren't Mormon or something?!
Him: That's how I was raised.
------
Oh crap! Open opinionated mouth, insert foot. Oh crap times two! Who is this person? And why am I dating him? Almost unbelievably to myself now, I waited for him to break up with me. But, that's another story. I've grown a lot since then.
The point is, I am an opinionated person. I have strong opinions and tend to be vocal about them. It's like I get an idea about something or think some thing is ridiculous, and I have to get it out. I blame my mother. I have fond memories of ranting about something or other and getting my mom in hysterics laughing. She encouraged me.
See? That's just the point. I have fond memories filled with laughter. I don't take myself too seriously; it's fun. So, I have a grand old time ranting tongue in cheek about the parental third person or mother's day songs or dino-nuggets and think nothing of it. But then every once in a while I wonder if I've hurt someone's feelings.
I have a tender and loving heart. I care deeply about my friends and family members. I am sincerely sad to think that you might have read or overheard one of my rants and thought I was talking about you and been hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone. In the wisdom that comes with passing years I've learned that even if I don't want to hurt anyone, I will. Careful as I can be (and I am careful about what I say), I will say or do something sometime that will hurt someone I care about. This won't just happen once. I happens over and over, all the time. It's part of the human experience.
Another thing I've learned with years is that opinions change. I have strong opinions, but they change. I know I'm not immune to being wrong. All I need is for a cousin or two to point out to me that there is a very logical reason behind using the parental third person, for example, and I'm okay with it now. On to something else.
I bring all this up, my bloggy friends, to let you know that I know I can be ridiculous with my rants sometimes (I don't know how many people even read my blog anymore, maybe this is why), to give you permission to point out when I'm being ridiculous or just plain wrong, and to ask for your compassionate understanding. I'd like to think that I'm the quirky but endearing extended family member at the reunion. I'll just be over here being my opinionated ranting self and you all can wink and smile knowingly at each other and say, "Oh, that's just our Becca and we love her."
------
If you're interested in someone else's thoughts on being wrong, check out this great video. It's about 18 minutes long, but very worth it. Even just the first 5 minutes are worth it.
4 comments:
Isn't that the point of a blog? To give your opinion on things? Top share what is on your mind. People ask you to blog more, you share more and then they don't like what you put, and suddenly you are a bad person. Well, then, stop reading I say.
I have had the same, in my opinion, closed minded conversation with ex-es and friends. Just because you grew up with it doesn't make it right. But in the end, it just makes for good discussion. I am not looking to change anyone's opinion.
But anyway, I love your posts.
Isn't it so true that our opinions change?! That is what makes life, life, I suppose. It is invigorating when we can have these conversations and, perhaps, change together. We are all trying to figure things out. I think the best relationships are those that encourage us to "cut a little here" or "add a little there" as we are striving to be better and better. I think you have a good perspective. Plus, I think your opinionated self is in pretty good company at our family reunions.
I love you! And I think many people in our family talk/discuss/voice our opinions in much the same way as you. We say what we think and we don't say it in a way that is judgmental. Just passing along information for the sake of it...or to get a laugh. Usually the latter. You are awesome and I hope that I have not offended you in any way with my opinions. I think that's the wonderful thing about family. We can say things to each other because we "get" each other. BTW: totally off topic, but it was great seeing you yesterday. You look so happy and fabulous!! I hope your YW activity was successful. :)
I love that life gives us so many opportunities if we'll take them, and one of the best ones is being wrong. I realize that in plenty of instances "right" and "wrong" can be really relative, but when it comes down to being kind and Christian, like you said, I wholeheartedly agree with you and think it's always better to just be nice. Thanks for this great reminder. <3
Post a Comment