Now, I'm all about being unconventional (just ask me about some of our wedding plans), but I also believe that etiquette simply must be followed on certain items. Unconventional or modern or simple or running out of time and being stressed is not an acceptable excuse for being rude.
Many a friend in the last several years have invited me to join Facebook groups called "[bride] and [groom] are gettin hitched." These groups inevitably have some kind of explanation that reads "We're getting married. If you want an invitation post your address below." I have never liked this. I think it's tacky. When Blake and I got engaged I made it very clear we would not be creating such a group. Luckily, he agreed with me (or at least is smart enough not to question me on it because I might bite his head off :)). I think it's impersonal and rude. I don't feel that these people really want me there; they'll only send me an invitation if I want one. I don't think they would go to the trouble of finding my address if I don't post it. What's worse is that I have joined at least one of these groups, given my address, and then not received an invitation. LAME!
I was reading through the invitations section in a Martha Stewart Weddings book (on loan from my future sister-in-law, thank you Alanna) and read the following from the president of a wedding invitations company: "The key is to make your guests feel that you really want them there, not that you were obligated to invite them." Yes! Thank you for validating my feelings on the subject, Marc Friedland. I couldn't agree with you more.
I continued reading about Thank You notes. Blake and I had already discussed getting some printed and come up with a system for writing them. Martha says, "There is one custom no one has to debate: Every gift must be acknowledged with a personal, handwritten thank-you note." I agree. Then it occurred to me: I have been to several weddings and bridal showers in the last few years to which I brought gifts and never received a thank-you note! I think my family has been pretty good about it but not all of my friends. And now I'm bugged. I know I'll sound like my grandmother here, but this younger generation has lost it's sense of propriety (imagine me saying this while wearing a q-tip wig and shaking a wrinkly, crooked finger).
I may change my tune a little when I'm trying to adjust to a new home and lifestyle and the thought of starting in on a mountain of thank-you notes brings me to tears, but for now I plan on writing them. I want to be a considerate bride. Oh, and that reminds me, I'm working on a guest list for my wedding, so if you want an invitation, please post your address in the comments.
5 comments:
Well, you know I'd agree because your source is #1 when it comes to etiquette in my book. But, I also agree just because - you are inviting me with a text to your wedding? Or asking for my address with a text? If I'm that low on the totem pole of friends that I don't get a call or an email address to me by name, "Caprene, Can I get your address?..." I don't think I should attend your wedding because you are in it just for the presents.... hehe (but remember this is coming from the cousin who's always dreamed of eloping... no invitations needed there.)
YES! I agree with all of it! If someone went to the trouble to spend money on a gift for me I figure I should at least take a couple of minutes and say Thank You. The thank card pile is massive, but it is quickly conquered if you put your mind to it. Happy Wedding Planning!
I've thought for a long time about how to be more efficient with attacking the massiveness of thank-you notes. one thought-while one of you opens the gift, the other has their hand ready and poised to write the note. eh? if you're flying somewhere far away for your honeymoon you can write them on the plane. are you flying somewhere far away? ;) And I talked to Patti--really? no wedding cake? :)
Thanks for the tips. We were going to try to write them as we open gifts. It'll take longer, but I figure it's ok if it takes us a few days to open them. There's no hurry. I hadn't thought of taking some on the plane (we're going to Cancun). And we're cake at the reception, just not the traditional kind. I might have changed that plan since I last talked to Patti about it.
I haven't always been great at writing Thank You notes... but I feel like I've gotten better with age. I know we were homeless RIGHT after we got married... so I'm sad to admit that some of the Thank You notes probably slipped through the cracks. It still makes me feel bad. I feel like I did a pretty good job with baby thank you's... but it takes some thought. I agree that it's great to let people know how much you love and appreciate them. I hope I've conveyed that to you enough over the years... you're great!!!
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