On "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce"

I picked up this book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 year landmark study, from the bargain bin at the BYU bookstore several months back. First off, I love bookstores. Secondly, I always check the bargain bins/shelves. Third, I am pretty serious about wanting to be a good therapist, so I buy and read books about families and therapy in addition to my textbooks. (I'm only going to school part-time right now, so this is a possibility for me.)

Self-righteous side note: I have been surprised by some of the students in my class this semester who seem so blase about the readings and course work. It's one thing to blow off reading for your freshman biology course and a completely different thing to blow off reading for a graduate course in family therapy. I really admire one of my classmates at Loma Linda who was so serious about completing all the readings. She said she felt that the had a moral obligation to do so, that not getting as much information as possible about how to help people could hurt them. She feels she owes it to her clients to be the best therapist she can be. I agree. And I read books and get extra training because I genuinely find it interesting. End side note.

The author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce has been studying divorce and its effects on children for most of her career. There's even a center in California named for her. Anyway, she'd been working on this longitudinal study of children from divorced parents and is reporting her findings in this book. What is particularly interesting is that at 25 years, the participants in her study are now adults with families of their own. There hasn't been much research about how divorce continues to effect individuals at adults. The previous studies all stopped at adolescence or the early 20s.

I bought the book as a professional development kind of thing but am finding it hitting some very personal issues for me. Let me give just one example. The story is told of a woman named Karen who lives a great, happy life but experiences a constant dread that something bad will happen. She's waiting for the bottom to drop out and can't allow herself to just sit back and fully enjoy her happiness. I completely identify. The author went on to say that she found this to be a very common feeling among adults whose parents divorced when they were children. I had no idea. I thought it was just me, that I was neurotic and unhealthy in this aspect. I was reading this book just before bed, and I laid awake in the dark crying for some time. It was such a relief to know that I wasn't alone and that this wasn't something "wrong" with me.

The reason for writing this post is mostly just to share that. It was such a powerful moment, and I felt like sharing. If anyone is interested, I highly recommend picking up a copy of this book and reading it. In the introduction the author states that she wrote the book for several audiences: children of divorce, their spouses/significant others, couples considering divorce, mental health professionals, and policy makers who influence how children are treated in divorce proceedings. Even though the book is based on research findings, it doesn't read like an academic journal or textbook. She presents her findings through case studies, the stories of individual people who represent common themes among the different types of families. One of the most powerful things to me is how she compares these children of divorce to their peers from intact families. The comparisons aren't always depressing but sometimes very dramatic. If you're interested, it's a good read. It was the only copy in the bargain bin and the best $1.99 I've spent on a book in a long time.