My family therapy textbooks tell me that sibling relationships are the longest, most consistent relationships most people will have throughout their lives. Parents die. Coworkers and neighbors are transient. Friendships fade. Spouses come and go. With the exception of a few short years on either side, siblings are with us throughout our entire lives. We have more in common with them than anyone else.
My experience seems to corroborate this finding. I don't remember Grandma Jean or Grandpa Hook talking too much about friends, but they sure talked about and spent a lot of time with their siblings. My mom had surgery yesterday. Who took her to the hospital, waited during the surgery, and called me and Ben after it was over? Her brothers. I'm so glad that she has them and her sister.
Sometimes I get jealous of sibling relationships. Mine aren't normal, if there even is such a thing. I want to make it clear that I would not trade Ben for anything in the world. Still, our sibling relationship isn't equal; he'll always depend on me. I have a half-brother and half-sister; we have the same dad. We didn't see each other much growing up and aren't close now. My sister has told me she doesn't really think of me as a sister. It's kind of sad, but it's okay. I understand.
I get jealous sometimes when I hear people talk about how much they love their sisters or how nice it is to go to their brothers for advice. I wouldn't want to take that away from anyone, but sometimes I get kind of sad when I hear it. I wonder, 30 years from now, if Blake wasn't around, who would be there to take me to the hospital, wait with me, and call my kids to let them know it's okay? More likely than not, there will be a time when I will need to care for my aging mother, and I won't have a sibling to help me make the decisions about how that should be done. I wonder who will help me many, many years in the future when I need to plan a funeral and settle affairs.
I don't mean to be a downer or to make anyone feel sorry for me. I have a great life. I have a wonderful extended family and have always been blessed with wonderful friends. I'm sure when I need one, a "brother" or "sister" will be there to help me get through. They just won't be the kind of brothers and sisters who share biological parents. These are things I think about. Thanks for reading.
5 comments:
that's where cousins step up and step in =)
(ps - the secret word I have to type to leave a comment is "racist" - is eveything ok in CA???)
And cousin-in-laws :)
I have to type ravist to leave a comment...hmmmmm.
I'll still be around! :) I was thinking of your awesome cousins when you were talking er typing about this and look! There they are! :) Love you lots.
Oh and I have to type logies to comment. Which has nothing to do with racist or ravist! :)
That is why I think you and I were born so close in age, so we could be each other's sisters. I mean that too. I don't have any sisters and sometimes truthfully miss out on that relationship connection too. I have always thought of you more than just a cousin, so I will take you to surgery if you will take me! We will be like Libby and Bella (I know they were sisters), but you get the point. We will be the new generation of Q-tips.
My Dad has three siblings and they are not at all close. He has always been upset about how crappy all there relationships were. So from my earliest memories I can remember my Dad telling us how important siblings are, he always pushed for us to be best friends. We weren't always the best of friends but I am so grateful to him for pushing it. My sisters and Brother are definately the greatest friends I have, or will ever have. I'm not sharing to brag, You will be like my Dad. Completely aware of how important it will be to your kids and you'll guide them toward it. And they will be so grateful to you! Love you Becca
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