On why I'm talking about my faith transition

In my late teens and early twenties I spent a lot of time sorting through and healing from the effects of some of the family conflict that happened when I was a kid. I remember feeling this deep pain and not knowing what to do with it or how to make sense of it. There was no going back and undoing it or magically making it go away. I wanted to find some meaning or purpose in what I had experienced and the pain I continued to feel. But there was none. I didn't deserve it; I didn't cause it. There was no reason I had to go through it.

I found peace with those experiences when I decided I could use what I went through to help others. My suffering wasn't for nothing if I could use it to prevent or alleviate suffering in someone else. I made a conscious choice to let myself become more compassionate. I tried to be sensitive to loneliness, be a listening ear, not be afraid to cry with someone else or make myself vulnerable so that person didn't feel so alone.

It is for the same reason that I am talking about my experience with doubting and then leaving full activity in the Mormon church. In the four-ish years I've been on this journey, I've interacted with a lot of people, mostly online, who also have doubts or who have decided to leave. There is a lot of loneliness and pain, confusion, rejection, disappointment. While my road has been incredibly difficult for me, I know I'm lucky. Many, many people have it much worse.

I expect I am not the only person you know who has or will experience doubts, go through a period of inactivity, or decide to leave completely. My hope is that as you interact with those people now and in the future you might be a little more patient, a little more compassionate because of what you read here. Maybe, knowing the pain that is likely there, you'll be more likely to move toward that person than pull away. Maybe you can hold them while they cry. Maybe the best you can do is say nothing. Maybe you will say, "I know someone else who has been through something like this. Can I put you in touch with her?"

Every time I post something big or controversial about Mormonism on facebook I have at least one person (sometimes as many as 5 or 6) contact me privately to say, "Thank you for saying what you did. I thought I was the only one" or "I'm so glad to know I'm not alone" or "I'm really struggling, can we meet up for lunch sometime? I need someone to talk to." This is worth it. This is why I'm talking. I would never know who these people are or that they needed help if I wasn't talking.