On that one mother's day song

If you went to primary in an LDS church, you might have sung this song:

“I often go walking in meadows of clover,
And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.
I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over,
Dear Mother, all flowers remind me of you.

Oh Mother, I give you my love with each flower
To give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through
For if I love blossoms and meadows and walking,
I learn how to love them, dear Mother, from you.”

Maybe you sang it a lot, maybe every year, maybe more than that.  I don't get it.  I never liked this song.

First off, on a practical level, whose experience does this fit?  How many children in the English speaking LDS world often go walking in meadows of clover?  I've never seen a meadow of clover.  I'm not even sure that clover blossoms are blue; I'm just taking the song's word for it.

Second, I have problems with the song on principle.  Flowers aren't something that remind me of my mother, and as a woman, I don't like the implication that flowers "should" remind us of mothers.  You know what reminds me of my mother?  The beach, the swap meet, Jack-in-the-box tacos, children's books, puzzle kind of learny games, and the smell of mentholatum.  I'd like to see someone write a song about that!

Third, as a mother, I hope I have more to teach my children than to love walking and blossoms and meadows.  Now, these things aren't bad, nor is enjoying them.  But, if my kid is going to be singing over and over again about the things I taught her, I don't want it to be walking and meadows.  All kidding aside, I sincerely hope that my daughter could say that she learned to love others from watching me.  I hope I can teach her to treat others, especially those not like her, with kindness, compassion, and understanding.  From watching me, I hope she will learn to be a confident woman with a strong sense of self-worth and dignity in a world that tries in insidious ways to take that away.  Maybe, if I'm lucky, she'll also learn to love board games and hiking and rodeos and cemeteries.  

On my day today

After our time off with Bonnie's birth, Blake and I went back to real life this week.  He started back to work, and I started school.  (I'm going back to work next week.)  Blake worked from the office today, so I was at home with Bonnie all day.

Here's what I accomplished (not in this order):

• Washed and dried one load of laundry
• Folded and put away two loads of laundry
• Showered
• Ate (I didn't cook, but I ate.  Hooray for leftovers!)
• Emptied the dishwasher, loaded the dishwasher, and wiped the countertops
• Reviewed notes from missed classes to prepare for final exams
• Responded to emails
• Coordinated meetings for later this week
• Got caught up on the blogs I follow
• Took an exam
• Administered two assessments (Thanks to Blake for being my guinea pig.)
• Watched an episode of "White Collar," four episodes of "This American Life," and "Freakonomics" while Bonnie ate
• Changed Bonnie's diapers (I didn't keep track of how many.)
• Fed Bonnie
• Bathed Bonnie
• Blogged

As the day was progressing, I didn't feel like I was getting much done.  Everything had to happen in short bursts and around a 3 week-old baby's schedule.  But, now that I look back on it, I'm pretty pleased with what I accomplished on my first day being a full-time caregiver to Baby Bonnie.  Maybe I'll have time to finish my final oral exam and presentation after all!  I've just got to figure out how to work at my computer and feed Bonnie at the same time.

On welcoming Bonnie Jean

For most of you this is old news, but I'd like to announce the birth of Bonnie Jean.  She was born last Tuesday, on Grandpa Hook's birthday.  It's pretty awesome that they share a birthday.  I think he would have loved her; I do.  

Getting her here was different than I expected but still good.  The labor took about 30 hours.  It wasn't terrible, just different, everything was a little longer and more intense than I thought.  She was born at home and has been the healthiest, strongest baby I could imagine.  She weighed 10 pounds at birth and is 22.5 inches long.  

The baby is named for two of her great grandmothers.  Bonnie was Blake's grandma and Jean mine.  We were both close to our grandmas growing up.  Blake gave me a blessing as the labor was going and another shortly after the birth.  Both mentioned that there were angels there from our family to protect and watch over and strengthen us.  After what we went through to get her here, it only seemed appropriate and fitting that she should have her grandmas' names. 

She has wonderful hair; when she nurses, her hair kind of comes over her shoulder.  It looks like a baby mullet.  I love it.  Her little pinky fingers are crooked a little at the last joint, just like mine and Grandma Jean's.  When she was born she had little blisters on both her wrists from sucking on them inutero.  Just in the last three days or so she's started becoming more expressive with her face, making little half smiles.  We're in love!

On home birth

Baby invited me to guest author a post on her blog about why we are choosing a home birth.

As we are preparing for the birth, we've been experiencing a roller-coaster ride of emotions (me especially).  Being able to write out some of my thoughts about birth helps me feel more prepared and calm.

If any of you are interested in reading that post, you can find it here.

On being kind of tall

Generally I think I'm of average height;  I don't really consider myself a "tall" person.  But then when I stop and look around me, I see that at almost 5'9 I am taller than average or at least on the tall side of average.

This is not so fun when buying pants.  Regular length are usually a tad bit short, and tall length are WAY too long.  I'm actually pretty self-conscious about always having pants that are too short for me.  My height was not so fun when I was dating.  There are a lot of guys out there who like dating smaller women because it makes them feel bigger.  It's not all their fault though, I mean, there are plenty of women, myself included, who aren't too keen on the idea of feeling HUGE next to their boyfriend or date.  However, having many friends who are taller than I am, I know I am in no position to be complaining about being tall.

So I'm not.  This post is about some advantages of being kind of tall that I have been enjoying recently.  Being tall and pregnant is awesome!  Since we first announced we were expecting (at about 4 months) to when I really started showing (around 6 months) to now I frequently hear "Wow!  You look great!" when people find out how far along I am.  I'm not used to people telling me I look great.  It feels awesome.  I also get "You're so small!" which is another thing I'm not used to hearing.  Being on the back row of every class picture, I'm not sure I've ever been told I was small.  I don't buy size small anything for myself, even at my thinnest.

I haven't had any back pain, no stretch marks (yet), my feet aren't swollen, my wedding ring still fits great, and I have a lap!  I can still drive, and with about six inches between me and the wheel, I expect to be able to drive right up until Baby's birth day.  (This is a big deal.  With my current schedule, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't drive.)  I'm sure that these things are a combination of there being a lot of room in my torso for the baby to live in and the healthy choices I've been making during pregnancy, but either way, it's awesome!

I know not every pregnancy is this easy.  I feel so lucky to have had such a comfortable and easy pregnancy up to this point.  I've had great support from Blake and a wonderful midwife and a fantastic childbirth class that have all helped me have a great pregnancy.  Being kind of tall is not so bad.

On resilient, inspiring people

All things considered, I believe most people do an incredible job living their lives and meeting their responsibilities.  People are capable, dedicated, creative, and devoted.  I love hearing the stories of real people who do amazing things.  I think most people would fall into this category if we spent the time to get to know them.

I love my work (minus the paperwork part)!  It is so inspiring and hopeful, and even when I am tired, I feel rejuvenated and uplifted at work.  I get to work with the most incredible people.  I am continually awed by the trust people place in me and consider it an honor to be invited into the more intimate parts of their lives.

My clients are amazing, and so are my coworkers.  I work with people who, for next to no pay at this point, pour their hearts and souls into the people they work with.  We meet regularly in small supervision groups to discuss cases.  I love going to supervision!  We sit around a table and talk about how we can help people, how well people are doing, and the amazing strengths they have.

Despite the challenges people face, which are what bring them to therapy in the first place, they do so well and accomplish so much.  They care enough about their families and relationships to ask for help, to pay for help, and to keep coming back.  For some of the people I see, I honestly don't know how they do it.

I get to see people fight to save marriages.  I see parents' concern for their children and their willingness to do whatever it takes to help their children, even when that means making serious changes in their own lives.  I see individuals who do so much already just wanting to make themselves better.

My job is to help people reach their goals, to help them be a little better off, a little happier than they were when they came in.  How could I not love it?

Last week I heard the details of a grizzly death of a child, a family member, that some of my clients witnessed.  It was incredibly difficult to listen to.  After the client left, I sat in our staff area and cried for about 30 minutes.  I've never heard first-hand a story quite that bad and never had a client affect me in that way.  I thought about them all weekend.  I feel so sad for what they have been through and am completely amazed at their resilience.  Knowing the details, I am in awe that they do as well as they do now.  The family has pulled together and stepped up to the plate for one another in truly inspiring ways.  I think these people are absolute angels on earth.  My life is better because I know them.

Because I don't have and can't share pictures of the people I work with, throughout this post I've included pictures of just a few of the people I know who are completely amazing and inspiring.

On baby radar

This post is not about a baby version of the character Radar from MASH.

It's about how I have developed what I'm calling Baby Radar.  I notice babies everywhere now.  Most of the time, okay, all of the time, I think they are completely adorable.  Blake just laughs at me when I point them out everywhere we go: the mall, church, a restaurant, the grocery store, anywhere.

I watched a National Geographic special a few weeks ago about buffalos.  It was pretty good, except . . . I didn't like the part where the baby buffalo got stuck on the river bank and was having a hard time getting up to its mom.  I really didn't like the part where the other baby buffalo got eaten by wolves.  My Baby Radar is active even with baby buffalos.

I am getting increasingly excited about our baby's upcoming birth.  We've only got about 10 weeks to go, give or take a few.  I'm gathering supplies for the birth and doing some cleaning while I'm on break from school to get ready for Baby.  My plan is to be a really good, overachieving student next quarter and get all my assignments done early so that I can be stress-free (at least as far as school is concerned) when Baby arrives.  To allow myself time for that later, I'm getting ready for the birth now.  So exciting!

Baby Radar just might have something to do with all that.  What do you think?  I can't be the only one to have developed this wonderful new ability.