On keeping my big therapeutic mouth shut

My professor/boss/clinical supervisor told me about a year ago that the best advice he'd received when we has first starting out his career was this:

Learn to keep your big therapeutic mouth shut or you will end up very educated and very alone.

I thought this was good advice and tried to adopt it.  It's hard for me though, because I get so excited about some of the things that I'm learning.  I feel so passionately about what I'm doing, and just want to share it.  The temptation to put all my opinions out there is strong, but I also know many of those opinions rank pretty high on the potential-to-offend scale.  I hope my thoughts on a good laugh in class or on womanhood and maternity didn't offend anyone.  They weren't meant to.

I am super busy these days but really loving it . . . most of the time.  There are a few times when I get completely overwhelmed and/or exhausted.  Those times aren't as fun.  There was a day this past week when Blake asked if I was ok.  I started crying and said "I'm just so tired."  He told me I needed to sleep and tucked me in bed.  Thanks, Blake!

While this doesn't really have anything to do with keeping my big therapeutic mouth shut (I give you my permission to tell me to shut that mouth at any time), I'll give y'all an update on what I'm doing with my life.  I'm taking a full load of classes this quarter: Advanced Family Therapy Theory/Postmodern Theories (the name is scary, but I like the class), Gender Perspectives, Advanced Child and Adolescent Development, Quantitative Research Methods, and Case Presentation.  

Instead of writing a research based thesis, our program requires the in-depth presentation of a case as a final project.  There's one gianourmous paper detailing the theory you have chosen, how you understand that theory, and how it fits (or doesn't) your life experience and personal philosophy.  Then there's another paper detailing your work with a client session-by-session from beginning to end showing how you used your theory with that client.  (Client here refers to a relational unit, we can't use an individual for this project.  It has to be at least two people.) Then, you've got to edit video from those sessions showing what you talked about in your paper.  I'll have to get all this ready and present it sometime next spring to a panel of three of my professors who get to ask me questions about it.  All of that was a really long background for what Case class is; it's supposed to prepare us for our Final Case project.  About this time next year, I'm gonna be crazy busy with all of that.  Yikes!

In addition to classes, I'm doing clinical work.  Our school just opened a new integrated clinic with all behavioral health disciplines in one location: psychiatry, psychology, marriage and family therapy, social work, school counseling, child life.  I work there.  I'm seeing individuals, couples, and one family right now.  It's pretty awesome, but the move to the new building has been pretty stressful and has required that we make A LOT of changes in how we do paperwork and billing and scheduling.  I also run an Anger Management group through our clinic.

I work with another group at the University called Transition Support Services.  We have a contract through the local Office of Education to provide training to foster parents and staff in group homes in the Nurtured Heart Approach to working with difficult children.  This is another thing I could go on and on about.  Nurtured Heart Approach is an alternative to traditional parenting methods that focuses on transforming a child through the power of relationship.  It is especially useful for "difficult," high-energy, intense, and "problem" children and teens.  I LOVE the work I do there.

I just finished an internship with the University's office of Employee Wellness running a 12-week group we called "Unstuck."  It focused on goal setting and overall health and wholeness.  This last week was the 12th week, and the group was an amazing success.  We had a waiting list, so we'll probably do it again in the summer.

Aside from sleeping, playing with my best friend Blake, and nursery, that is how I spend all my time.  This may also explain why there is little time for blogging.  I have discovered that blogging Saturday morning before Blake wakes up works pretty well.  I'm awake, but who wants to clean or do homework or some other responsible thing on Saturday morning?  Not me.  So, I'll blog.  At least for today.

On a good laugh in class

Disclaimer: this post might not be pleasing to all readers.

I'm taking Advanced Child and Adolescent Development class this quarter.  It's pretty awesome, and that's something I don't say about every class.  Aside from attendance and keeping up on the reading, the only assignment for the class is to create a portable play therapy kit.  I'm having SO much fun buying toys and thinking of activities.  I went to the Mattel outlet yesterday and am now the proud owner of a set of matchbox cars and polly pockets in addition to some other really fun things.  Blake was so cute helping me unpackage the Polly Pockets last night.  I think we're going to be getting the play therapy kit out for us at home. :D

A positive side effect of this is that now I feel like I could actually invite friends and family with kids over to our house.  I have been hesitant to do that since we've moved here because we don't have a kid-friendly house.  Now we have toys!  Yay!  The only kids that have been to our house so far are our adorable nieces, and I am very ok with that.  I love my nieces (and nephew) and would love it if they were the kids who spent more time at my house than any other kids.

Back to class.  Last Thursday we were talking about books to help kids.  Our teacher was displaying books about puberty and maturation.  She showed one book that was geared more toward kids than parents, with lots of pictures and blurbs.  The pages were designed to look like a scrapbook or bulletin board with lots of bright colors.  She opened to one page that had a drawing that looked like it was done on notebook paper.  The class just stared at the drawing until the teacher said "It's a cartoon penis."  Then there were some laughs and at least one "Oh!"  I had the best laugh I've had in class in a long time.  I was just delighted by the fact that she had to explain what it was, or that she felt she had to.  What was even better, was that it had a smiley face and little arms on it.  If I were a naive 13-year old girl, those arms would freak me out.

Our class representatives were asking for ideas about a class mascot and motto.  I probably don't have to tell you what my suggestion was.  The other Latter-day Saint student and I thought this was completely hilarious.  There were a few of our classmates who were not quite so amused.  Apparently Latter-day Saints (at least the two of us) are NOT the most conservative people out there.

"It's a cartoon penis!"  Comedy gold.

On womanhood and maternity

A while ago I was at a social gathering and joined a game about to start.  I sat at the table and realized I was the only woman at the table.  I thought for a second about backing out, not wanting to impose on a "guy thing," some kind of male bonding.  I looked around and realized that all the women were on the other side of the room talking about pregnancy and motherhood.  I had the distinct impression that I didn't belong in either of those groups.

What does it mean to be a woman in our society who is not a mother?  The idea of the stereotypical woman is essentially maternal.  The stereotypical man is not necessarily paternal; he is so many other things besides a father, if he is that at all.  In some settings, without a child I belong with the men or the girls.  Women who have children sometimes talk about feeling connected to a great sisterhood or that they are connected to generations of humanity through that experience common to "all" women: childbirth.  I don't mean to diminish the awesomeness and reality of that experience--I hear it's great--but it does make me wonder where that leaves women who don't want to, haven't yet, or can't bear children.

Is society going to view me as "less than" until/unless I have a child?  I've heard some talk about how women without children can still contribute by nurturing other people's children.  I believe this talk is intended to be inclusive, but the underlying message is still that what women do is mother, that that's what women have to offer the world.  Does my education, my wealth of life experience, my contribution in a hundred other arenas in life combined not count for anything?  Is that still not enough to make up for not being a mother?

These are things I think about.

On 30 days of Blake

I'm working on a little birthday present/party for Blake's upcoming 30th birthday.  Check it out and contribute all you want.

http://30daysofblake.blogspot.com/

On super human tape measurer

This made me smile today.

On our first year of marriage

Today is our first wedding anniversary.  Hooray for us!

We had some crazy challenges and changes this year and kept saying that if we could make it through all this in the first year, we'd be set for life.  We moved to a different state, sold our condo in a down market, changed jobs, re-started graduate school, and lived apart for almost 3 months.

In this first year, I heard several people say something to the effect of "Don't worry, the newness will wear off.  You'll get used to each other after a year.  My husband and I don't even hold hands anymore" or "The first year of marriage is the hardest.  You'll fight a lot."  Don't worry?  Don't worry, I wasn't.  I'm not quite sure what these people were hoping to accomplish with their comments, but I think they probably failed.

First off, we're enjoying being together.  The newness is fun and exciting.  Why you gotta be a wet blanket and prophesy it's ending?  As if we would wake up today, on our first anniversary, and suddenly be bored by one another.

Nextly, we are both affectionate people.  It's one of the things that makes us a good match for each other.  I don't see that suddenly changing either.

C, if it's true that all couples fight a lot in the first year, we're going to have a VERY peaceful existence.  We're just not fighters.  We don't yell, exchange insults and accusations, or anything of the sort.  We don't fight, but we do pout (see previous post).  Maybe we'll look back later and see this year as the poutiest year of our marriage.

Finally, in the course of my studies, I have learned that the first year is not really the year to worry about.  I'll have to be careful during years 5-8, 15-18, and 25-28 as these are the times most couples divorce, statistically speaking.

In summary, we are still so happy to be together.  We made it through the first year with flying colors and hope to never have a year that crazy again. (Knock on wood.  Quick!  Everyone! Knock on wood!)

So, on the first of many to come, I wish a Happy Anniversary to my best friend!

On our recent move and other updates

I haven't been on my blog much in the past few months.  Mostly that's because I've been writing many research papers and reading these:

My textbooks for fall quarter

Also, I was pouting.  I put up a poll a few months ago asking what posts people wanted to read.  The most votes went to the one I thought would be the most boring (this one!).  I was hoping people would choose things I thought were more interesting, and when they didn't, I decided I just wouldn't write about anything.  I'm done pouting but not with ALL things childish.  Check out my fish tank!  If you click on it, you can feed the fishes.  :D I'm taking my last final this evening, so I've got a little time and energy to spend updating the blog.

Our move went very smoothly.  We had great help and incurred only minor damage to one piece of furniture.  Despite my many moves, I did not like the feeling of being transient for a few days.  Watching my dad and brother drive away in a truck that held all our earthly possessions was surreal.  The sale of the condo went through perfectly.  Thankfully, the buyer didn't ask us to make a single repair, not even to replace the 14 yr old water heater or the broken handle on the storage closet!  Our new apartment was sparkling clean when we moved in (I wasn't expecting that), and they even replaced the carpet after the previous tenant.  We were blessed.  Here's Blake relaxing after finally getting settled in.

Since we've moved in, we've had all our immediate family come visit--parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephew.  They must really love us!  We put mints on the pillows, as promised.  (I'll put them out for you too, when you come.  wink wink)  Our Disneyland passes really came in handy, too, as many of our visitors wanted to visit the happiest place on earth.  I went four times in three weeks! 

We spent an awesome Halloween with my cousins in Redlands.  The neighborhood was so festive.  Blake said, "If Halloween weren't already my favorite holiday, being here would definitely make it my favorite holiday."

One thing I love about our apartment is the kitchen.  It's twice as big as the kitchen in our condo.  (I also love the pool and fitness center on site.)  

Having a decent sized kitchen came in handy for the Thanksgiving dinner we hosted.  My mom and Ben came down from Utah and we had Uncle Lou and Aunt Christine with us as well.  It was perfect!

It was our first time hosting Thanksgiving, and went off quite well, if I do say so myself.  Allow me to boast for just a moment.  (I do love cooking so much!)  There was a cheese fondue appetizer with broccoli, pumpernickel pretzel sticks, and blue corn chili lime crackers.  We had a green salad, fresh green beans, garlic mashed potatoes, cranberry cornbread stuffing, delicious gravy (Thanks, Mom), and of course, the turkey.  We experimented with a high heat/frequent turning method that got the skin crispy and kept the breast moist.  We stuffed the bird with onion, apple, lemon, raisins, and cinnamon sticks and then roasted sweet potatoes in the same pan.  The turkey didn't need cranberry sauce or gravy; it was just good.

 

 

There was also homemade pumpkin pie (not pictured).  Mmm, pie.  We put the turkey carcass in a pot that same day and made a good turkey stock.  Then, we put plastic bags into mugs, poured a cup of broth into each, and froze them.  Once they froze solid, we removed the mugs from the freezer and now have pre-measured homemade stock ready for use in future recipes.  I'm so proud of us!

Ok, the tooting of my own horn is over.  We're excited to spend a week in Utah for Christmas.  Our schedule is rapidly filling up with family dinners and lunches with friends.  It's going to be great!  No snow and sunny afternoons didn't quite feel like Christmas for my cute husband, so we've been doing things to get us in the Christmas spirit, like decorating our house, listening to Christmas carols, drinking hot cocoa, and taking surprise stockings of goodies to the missionaries serving in our ward.

Speaking of the ward, we're serving in the nursery and loving it!  I adore the little kids.  Blake is so good with them.  I'll be playing with one kid at a time and look over and see Blake with five or six reading a story or something.  One little girl really likes him and notices if he leaves the room.  The first time she asked me where my daddy had gone.  She's learned his name since then, but I suspect she still thinks he's my dad.

Final updates: Blake got a job working with a logistics management company in Ontario.  He designs the user interfaces for the web applications they develop.  I got an offer this morning to work at the Marriage and Family Therapy clinic associated with the University.  I am very excited.  I'll get great experience and supervision there. I'll also get a small paycheck, which is significant considering many placements for trainees are strictly volunteer. 

Whew!  Update done.